rubbish

I always have a gazillion stupid things to say. I really do. And as much as my words don't mean anything, I always want them to. Yeah, that's how vain I am. Tonight I'm trapped inside my own nothingness.
I make a tremendous amount of effort to be a laid back person, to not take everything so seriously. But I'm too analytical for that. I observe, I analyze, I juxtapose the matter at hand with a contrasting matter, I investigate, then I conclude. Are my conclusions always right? Hell no. They're as twisted as my mind is..

Being a misanthropist and a helpless cynic, I can't help but restrain from being generous to others as I am to myself. Call me a hypocrite...I won't object to that..
Despite my ultimate goal to become a better person, my actions hold no virtue. Compromising, justifying the wrong, victimizing myself..only the things as a kid I swore not to do are the things I do now just to breathe a little longer. I feel apathetic about the world, but pathetic about myself. It's quite devastating always pitying myself, but if I could help it , I certainly would.

Three people sit inside me, fighting to grip control over the frail body..whoever takes control, it won't matter, because whoever it is, I'll still be the reclusive, introvert, gloomy freak that I am.